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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23703133">The Rapper and the Rock Star</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/weneebebe/pseuds/weneebebe'>weneebebe</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>K-pop, Monsta X (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Not K-Pop Idols, Foreplay, Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M, Making Out, Miscommunication, Mutual Pining, Strangers to Lovers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 19:27:39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,027</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23703133</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/weneebebe/pseuds/weneebebe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jooheon, an up-and-coming idol rapper, meets one of his favourite rock singers, Im Changkyun, on the underground livehouse circuit; but are their worlds just too different?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Im Changkyun | I.M/Lee Jooheon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>64</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Secret Admirer</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>written for a friend on twitter~ thanks for always giving me prompts! </p><p>*at the time of publishing, monbebe have finally gotten our bunny back, after 161 days of fighting! Let's keep supporting and fighting for our seven boys to come back together, okay?</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The bar’s lights were low - Jooheon’s eyes stung, adjusting to the darkness. Even though it was evening, it was still summer; and outside, the June sky was still bright. He scanned the playbill for the evening: the opening act was a comedian he’d never heard of, but the main act - reading the band’s name brought a smile to his full and pretty lips - he knew very well. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What can I get for you?” the bartender smiled at Jooheon, eyes lingering on him for a beat longer than was probably good for him - he pulled his beanie down closer to his brows, a nervous tick. The bartender blinked, unaware of the young man’s nerves. Satisfied he hadn’t been recognized, he smiled and ordered his usual. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jack and Coke,” Jooheon replied, “how’s the opening act tonight, any good?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The bartender shrugged, preparing his drink. “They’ve performed here a few times before,” she said, handing him his drink. “They’re pretty funny. But the main act is much better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jooheon nodded and paid for his drink, tossing a handful of coins in the tip jar. “Thanks,” he said, as he scanned the area for a place to best see the stage. He’d been following this band now for a few months, ever since he’d happened upon them by accident; just because he was an idol now didn’t mean he had to give up </span>
  <em>
    <span>all</span>
  </em>
  <span> of his old habits. Truth be told, if he hadn’t been scouted, he himself might be up on that stage, rapping in these underground spaces and hoping for a record deal. Maybe that’s why he was so adamant about not giving up this habit of his; maybe one day, he’d be the one to give another musician their big break. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But of course, he’d have to make it big, first. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>That will come in time,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Jooheon reminded himself. </span>
  <em>
    <span>It’s only been a year since I debuted.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He took a sip of his drink and settled on a spot near one of the side doors to watch the show. The bartender was right; the comedian was pretty funny - but it was the band he’d come to see. And when the singer and his group members ascended the small stage, Jooheon’s eyes widened with excitement. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” the vocalist’s raspy voice immediately gave Jooheon an electric jolt. “We are… Sambakja,” he said, barely looking up as he adjusted the mic stand; eyes shrouded by a long, messy fringe of blonde hair. Cheers of recognition rippled through the crowd and it made the young man smile; pretty teeth catching the light. “This first song is one that you all know,” he ran one hand through his hair and pushed back his fringe to reveal beautiful brown eyes, done up in a sparkling grey smokey eye and heavy black liner. “It’s called From Zero.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And when he opened his mouth to sing, Jooheon felt a warmth spread through his entire body. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jooheon made his way back to the bar to get a refill of his drink - Sambakja had concluded their set and had disappeared, leaving Jooheon breathless; their music was so different from his! And he loved it. Just as he was thanking the bartender for his refreshed glass, someone caught his eye - it was the vocalist of Sambakja. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” he leaned on the bar, arms crossed and a wide smile on his face. “Can I get a Jack and Coke?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The bartender smiled and pointed to Jooheon with her chin. “You’re twins,” she deadpanned, preparing his drink. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm?” the vocalist was confused. “Who?” His eyes widened and darted around until they fell on Jooheon. “Oh,” he smiled, noticing his drink. “Hey,” he said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Jooheon replied as cooly as he could, trying not to look too star-struck. “Your set was great tonight,” he said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The vocalist grinned, looking Jooheon up and down. “Thanks,” he said as the bartender slid him his drink. “I’m Changkyun,” he extended a hand; Jooheon took it. “I messed up a couple lyrics back there, but I improvised. I don’t think anyone noticed.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I definitely didn’t,” Jooheon replied quickly. “I’m Jooheon.” He remarked how soft Changkyun’s hands were in his. “You’re always so good, though.” He fidgeted with his beanie, painfully aware of the singer’s eyes on him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Changkyun’s eyes lit up. “You’ve seen us before?” he asked, a note of delight in his voice. He ran a hand through his hair, suddenly bashful. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Jooheon admitted. “I like the livehouse circuit,” he sipped at his drink and motioned with his eyes towards the now-occupied stage, another act having replaced Sambakja. “When I have a night off, I usually spend it like this.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A night off?” Changkyun repeated, curious. Something in the way he looked at Jooheon made the rapper feel warm. He wasn’t sure he minded. “You’re too young and handsome to talk like a middle-aged salaryman,” he grinned, sipping his drink. That earned a laugh from Jooheon. “Did I say something funny?” Changkyun asked, leaning in a little closer. Jooheon didn’t pull away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Jooheon threw back the rest of his drink and gave the bartender a look that asked for another. “You called me </span>
  <em>
    <span>handsome,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> he said. “It’s just a little surreal, you’re like… one of my </span>
  <em>
    <span>favourite</span>
  </em>
  <span> singers,” he admitted. The bartender, trying - and failing - not to listen in, quickly refilled his drink and slid it across to him with an encouraging smile on her face that said, </span>
  <em>
    <span>“this is going well! Go on!” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Jooheon nodded at her in recognition. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Let’s hope so,</span>
  </em>
  <span> he thought. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Changkyun nearly choked in surprise. “Bullshit!” he laughed, smiling widely, showing off his pretty canines. “Am I really?” he, too, finished his drink in one last draught; the bartender already had a refill waiting. A little baffled, he took it and drank. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Jooheon replied, feeling a little bolder than he had a few minutes ago. “No matter who else is on, you’re always the highlight.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You charmer,” Changkyun bumped hips with the rapper. “I bet you say that to all the singers you meet.” He smirked into his glass. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jooheon was a little thrown. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Is he… is he flirting with me?</span>
  </em>
  <span> He wondered. He decided to chance it. “Not all the singers,” he bumped their shoulders. “Just the pretty ones.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They shared a knowing smile, and each man knocked back the rest of their drinks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Changkyun rolled the bottom of the glass against the bar in small circles. “So,” he slid the empty glass back toward the bartender, nodding in thanks, “are you gonna ask me for my number or are you just gonna look at me like that for the rest of the night?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now, it was Jooheon’s turn to nearly choke. “Y-yeah,” he fumbled for his phone. “Yeah,” he smiled.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Oil And Water</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Jooheon awoke with a start, his head pounding. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Ugh,</span>
  </em>
  <span> he pinched the bridge of his nose. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Thank god I don’t have a schedule today and I can just sleep in my studio,</span>
  </em>
  <span> he thought. Suddenly, images of the previous night flashed in his mind and he groaned, remembering just how spectacularly things had gone wrong. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Come back to my place,” Changkyun murmured, lips and teeth pressed teasingly against Jooheon’s neck. The bathroom stall was cramped, but neither man seemed to care. Their hands were all over each other; Changkyun began to kiss more forcefully at a tender spot on Jooheon’s neck - despite how good, how urgent it felt, Jooheon panicked and angled his neck away from the singer, slowing him down. “What’s wrong?” Changkyun asked, unfazed, hands moving under Jooheon’s t-shirt. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“My manager will kill me if you leave a mark,” he admitted, trying to regain control of the situation and pressed their bodies together, hands on Changkyun’s slim hips. He wanted nothing more than to let the singer leave dark bruises all along his neck, but he knew there would be questions. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“So?” Changkyun teased. “It’s just one hickey,” he kissed Jooheon’s lips then, by way of apology. Jooheon’s head swam; he tasted like whiskey and strawberry chapstick, and it made him dizzy with delight. “Come home with me,” he purred again. “Or is your place closer?” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Jooheon’s heart sank. “I don’t…” he started to say, fighting every instinct in his body that screamed for him to keep kissing this man. “I live at my agency, I don’t have my own place yet.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>That stopped Changkyun - his hands slowly withdrew from Jooheon’s chest and rested instead around his waist. His eyes, dark with desire, widened in confusion, then understanding. “Your agency?” he asked. “Wait,” he ran a hand through his hair, composing himself. “What are you, a model? Is that why you can’t walk around with hickeys?” his toothy grin made Jooheon’s heart flutter almost out of his mouth. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Not a model, no,” Jooheon sighed, lolling his head back against the tiled wall. “I’m an idol. A rapper. I guess I’m not big enough yet to be recognized, huh,” he joked. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Changkyun took a half-step back, raking his hand through his hair again. “Oh,” he said. “Shit.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It was Jooheon’s turn to be confused, now. “What’s that for?” he asked, reaching out for the singer and tugging gently on the hem of his tight black shirt. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Changkyun touched his fingers to his lips, wheels turning in his mind. “If I knew you were an idol…” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“What?” Jooheon’s heart suddenly ached. “What’s wrong with it? You’re a musician too.” He felt his cheeks grow hot, upset. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I should just go,” Changkyun looked at him one last time; regret, apology - something else? - in his eyes as he slipped out of the bathroom stall, leaving Jooheon alone against the wall.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Jooheon rolled over onto his side and checked the time. Even though it was his day off, he didn’t feel like lounging in self-pity. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood up, stretching. He sighed. “What’s wrong with being an idol?” he whispered aloud to no one. His heart still hurt. He’d gone from having his hands all over the beautiful rock star - and having the beautiful rock star’s hands all over him - to feeling like a piece of unwanted rubbish in a matter of moments. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Nobody likes feeling like that,</span>
  </em>
  <span> he tried to comfort himself. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Might as well channel it into music.</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Dressing quickly, he washed his face and grabbed a banana on his way out of the dorm, and headed downstairs to his studio. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It had been hours now since he’d first sat down in front of his monitor and started to play with lyrics, but still, Jooheon hadn’t finished a single song. He leaned back in his chair, the wheels creaking slightly; it made him laugh. He rubbed his throat, knowing his voice was made hoarse from too much drinking the night before. When he worked alone in the studio, the only voice he ever heard was his own; and he didn’t want that, not now. He pulled out his phone and scrolled through his contacts, pausing over a number he’d forgotten he’d saved. Changkyun. He’d kept it in his phone, despite how disastrous the night had ended. He shook his head, and continued scrolling until he found the contact he wanted, and hit ‘call.’ </span>
  <em>
    <span>Minhyuk will know how to help me get my mind off him,</span>
  </em>
  <span> he thought hopefully as he listened to the rings. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello?” the still-sleepy voice instantly brought a smile to his face. “Jooheonie, what time is it?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jooheon laughed. “Minnie,” he grinned, affecting a chastising tone, pretending to scold him. “Were you still sleeping? It’s almost one in the afternoon,” he stretched an arm over his head. “I’ve been in the studio all morning. You don’t have a schedule today?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just dance practice later with the other members,” he replied. “Manager gave us the half-day off, we bribed him with the promise of fried chicken if he agreed to leave us the fuck alone until 4-ish,” he laughed. “God, this place…” he started to complain, but remembered that it was Jooheon that called him, and not the other way around. “What’s up, honeybee?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jooheon sighed. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You always know when something’s wrong,</span>
  </em>
  <span> he smiled. “I met someone last night,” he began, cautiously. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ooooh~!” Minhyuk’s voice cooed loudly, hurting Jooheon’s ear. “Is that why you sound hungover?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Partly.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s the rest of it then? You don’t sound as happy as you should if you got lucky.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Never said I got lucky, Min,” Jooheon corrected. “I went to a livehouse last night to see a couple bands, and… I hooked up with the vocalist of one of them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You WHAT?!” Minhyuk interjected. “Tell me everything!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jooheon pinched the bridge of his nose. He adored Minhyuk, but man, was he loud. “We were going at it in the bathroom of the bar--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Classy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck off. Anyway, we’re all over each other, and he’s like, ‘come back to my place,’ and he’s kissing my neck so hard he might have left a bruise---” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“God, that’s hot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Min! Let me finish!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine! Go on.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He asked me if my place was closer, and I panicked, and told him I live at my agency because I haven’t got my own flat yet, and he was like, ‘what are you, a model?’ and I said no, I’m an idol rapper, and…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And? And what?” Minhyuk pressed. “Did you end up at his place then?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Jooheon’s tone grew soft, defeated. “As soon as I told him I was an idol, he froze, and he left. He said, ‘if I knew you were an idol…’ and just walked away. He looked so… I don’t know. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Cheated.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Like I’d lied to him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Minhyuk went silent for a moment. “Well that’s just rude,” he said, clicking his tongue. “What’s so bad about being an idol?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s what I said! It’s not like we don’t work as hard as other musicians.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Harder, even,” Minhyuk offered. “Remember our trainee days?” he laughed. “Surviving on ramen and one hour’s sleep, the practice room floor covered in sweat.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Those were the days,” Jooheon joked. He heard Minhyuk laugh at that, and was glad. “Sharing a bed with two other guys, not being allowed to call our family for months.” He winced. “I don’t miss those days at all.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Minhyuk snorted in laughter. “Neither do I, honeybee.” He heard Minhyuk stretch, a theatrical groan reverberating through the phone. “But look at us now; both debuted, you’re a soloist now, and I’ve got my lovely group of handsome boyfriends.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now, it was Jooheon’s turn to snort. “Oh yeah,” he pretended to have forgotten. “How </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span> your harem, these days? Has your manager figured it out yet?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pfft,” Minhyuk tutted. “If he has, he hasn’t mentioned anything. This company is too small for them to be able to afford the scandal of disbanding their biggest money making group,” he could feel Minhyuk’s smirk over the phone. “We’re basically untouchable.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jooheon laughed. Minhyuk had been lucky; he’d trained with five other guys that had been slated to debut together for ages - over time, between the late nights and the cramped dorms, they’d grown to love each other. It was easy; comfortable. If he were honest, Jooheon was a little jealous of how lucky Minhyuk and his members had been. He was snapped out of his thoughts by Minhyuk’s voice again. “I’m sorry about last night,” he said sweetly. “Want to come to our floor and hang out with us?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it’s okay,” Jooheon replied, leaning back in his chair. “I really should get a move on with these songs I’m supposed to be working on. My manager isn’t as chill as yours,” he drummed his fingers against the table. “Min,” he said after a moment’s thought, “do you think we would have had it easier if we’d tried to make it on our own?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Minhyuk paused a moment. “On our own?” he parroted. “Like if we never signed with the company?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Jooheon said. “If we played open mics and livehouses and weddings and stuff, instead of becoming idols.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Minhyuk sighed. “This guy really fucked you up, huh,” he remarked. “A day ago you were happy, joking with me about the new blood and mentoring the first year kids,” he heard sheets rustling, and knew Minhyuk must finally be getting out of bed. “You said it yourself, honeybee,” the older man’s voice grew soft, serious. “You could have gone the underground route; but you worked hard and auditioned for the company because you wanted to help your parents, and you knew there was more money in that than struggling on the nightlife circuit. There’s no shame in that, babe. You’re an idol rapper who takes care of his parents and loves making music. Fuck anyone who thinks this life is easy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jooheon smiled, though his eyes burned a little with tears. “Thanks, Minnie,” he said after a moment. “I know you’re right.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come over later,” Minhyuk said sweetly. “It’s movie night in our dorm.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you’ve picked a horror film, I’m going to friend-break-up with you,” Jooheon teased. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Minhyuk gasped theatrically. “I would never!” he cooed. “Get back to work, honeybee. Love you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Love you more,” Jooheon smiled as he hung up. He glanced over at his mini-fridge, then at his watch; then back at the fridge. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck it,</span>
  </em>
  <span> he thought as he slid over to it and pulled out a chilled bottle of peach soju. Taking a long draught, he pulled out his phone again. He hesitated over Changkyun’s contact before finally clicking ‘send message.’ </span>
  <em>
    <span>This guy really fucked you up, huh,</span>
  </em>
  <span> he heard Minhyuk’s gentle voice in his head again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, he did,” Jooheon said aloud to no one. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>JH:</b>
  <span> Hey, it’s Jooheon</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <b>JH:</b>
  <span> from last night</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <b>JH: </b>
  <span>idk if you kept my number after you left, but… I’m sorry that you felt I mislead you. <br/></span>
  <b>JH:</b>
  <span> I really do love your band, and I think you’re pretty great <br/></span>
  <b>JH:</b>
  <span> and last night was fun until I fucked it up and scared you off<br/></span>
  <b>JH:</b>
  <span> so... I’m sorry</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jooheon tossed his phone to the corner of the room, where it landed safely on a worn-out bean bag. </span>
  <em>
    <span>If I can’t see it, it doesn’t exist,</span>
  </em>
  <span> he thought. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Maybe now I can get back to work. </span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Misconceptions Of You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>*shawolbebes wya? did you catch the shinee reference in the chapter title? I'm hilarious.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Changkyun kept messing up the lyrics, and it was beginning to bother his bandmates. “Listen, Kyun, why don’t we just take a break?” His drummer offered sympathetically, giving him a look. “Did you drink too much after the show last night or something?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his head. “Yeah, maybe,” he agreed, leaning his weight on the mic stand and clasping the mic with both hands, as though steadying himself. “I didn’t sleep well at all, either.” He looked around at his band members. “Take twenty, alright?” The others nodded, setting down their guitars and reaching for their cigarettes or their drinks, whichever was closer in reach. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Changkyun grabbed his own pack and slipped out the back door. Leaning against the brick wall - the summer sun made the surface warm; soothing against his back - he stuck a cigarette between his lips and fumbled with his lighter a few times before catching it, and he inhaled deeply. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Jesus Christ,</span>
  </em>
  <span> he chastised himself, </span>
  <em>
    <span>what’s wrong with me today?</span>
  </em>
  <span> He closed his eyes and was immediately thrown back into the livehouse bathroom, feeling Jooheon’s hands on him. Despite himself, he smiled at the memory. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He was so handsome,</span>
  </em>
  <span> he mused. </span>
  <em>
    <span>And I just left him there. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He recalled how soft Jooheon’s lips had been; how eager he himself had been to pull him into his bed. How the whiskey sat heavy on their tongues as they kissed, with so much urgency that it made Changkyun’s heart ache with the memory of it. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m an idol. A rapper. I guess I’m not big enough yet to be recognized, huh,” he joked. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Changkyun took a half-step back, raking his hand through his hair again. “Oh,” he said. “Shit.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It was Jooheon’s turn to be confused, now. “What’s that for?” he asked, reaching out for the singer and tugging gently on the hem of his tight black shirt. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Changkyun touched his fingers to his lips, wheels turning in his mind. “If I knew you were an idol…” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“What?” Jooheon’s heart suddenly ached. “What’s wrong with it? You’re a musician too.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>God, he looked so hurt,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Changkyun took another long drag of his cigarette before flinging it angrily to the ground and stepping on it. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“If I knew you were an idol…”</span>
  </em>
  <span> the words haunted him. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck,</span>
  </em>
  <span> he thought. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m the asshole,</span>
  </em>
  <span> he realized. He knocked his head gently against the wall, the rough brick poking at his head like a penance. He sighed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kyun, what’s going on?” the gentle voice of his bassist brought him out of his reverie. “You’ve been distracted all morning.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Changkyun gingerly placed another cigarette between his lips, and sighed as he struggled with the lighter again. “Jesus, fuck!” he swore, throwing the lighter to the ground when he couldn’t get his cigarette lit. “Hyunwoo, can I just use yours?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hyunwoo dug into his pocket and lit Changkyun’s cigarette for him. “Seriously,” he pressed again, “Kyun, </span>
  <em>
    <span>what</span>
  </em>
  <span> is going on with you?” He leaned against the wall next to the singer and waited for him to take a few more puffs of his cigarette before adding, “For someone who got lucky last night, you’re wound up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Changkyun laughed bitterly at that. “I didn’t get lucky,” he clarified, taking another drag of his cigarette. “I fucked it up.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hyunwoo bumped shoulders with him. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“How?</span>
  </em>
  <span> The way you two were flirting, I was sure you’d end up fucking before you even made it out of the bar.” He lit his own cigarette. “The way he was looking at you…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, I know,” Changkyun held a hand up, stopping Hyunwoo. “Trust me. We were messing around in the bathroom and everything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So what the fuck happened, then? Did he grow another head or something?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It just…” Changkyun trailed off. </span>
  <em>
    <span>If I tell him I hooked up with an idol, they’ll never let me hear the end of it.</span>
  </em>
  <span> “I suddenly felt ill.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sexy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You wish.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Changkyun laughed. “I just… I just left him there,” he continued, unsure why he was still talking, but he couldn’t stop himself. “I left him there, and he looked so hurt.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hyunwoo scrunched his face, thinking. “Listen, Kyun,” he took one last drag of his cigarette before crushing the butt under his foot. “If he’s got you this fucked up, then just text him. I saw you guys exchanging numbers,” he smiled, showing off his pretty teeth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not that simple,” Changkyun sighed. “I don’t think he’ll ever want to see my face again.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hyunwoo clapped a supportive hand on Changkyun’s shoulder. “The way he was looking at you?” he cocked his head, “I’m sure he’s waiting for you to reach out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe,” Changkyun agreed, looking down at the ground. “Thanks,” he managed a half-smile. “You’re good at giving advice.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes I am,” Hyunwoo replied cheekily. “But if you tell the others I went soft on you, I’ll put laxatives in your coffee.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Laughter. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rehearsal went relatively smoothly after that; but Changkyun’s mind was still elsewhere. By nearly 2pm, he was ready to pack it in. “Let’s pick it up again tomorrow, alright?” he ran a hand through his hair, exhausted. Hyunwoo rallied the others to agree, and put away their things. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Changkyun closed the door of the studio behind him, his phone began to vibrate. Scanning the screen, his heart leapt from his mouth. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Jooheon. </span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Forgive Me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>not to flex but I'm actually super proud of the rap/poems I wrote for Jooheon in this chapter &amp; the next one, nbd</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><b>JH:</b> Hey, it’s Jooheon <br/><b>JH:</b> from last night <br/><b>JH: </b> idk if you kept my number after you left, but… I’m sorry that you felt I mislead you. <br/><b>JH:</b> I really do love your band, and I think you’re pretty great <br/><b>JH:</b> and last night was fun until I fucked it up and scared you off<br/><b>JH:</b> so... I’m sorry</p><p><b>CK: </b> hey<br/><b>CK:</b> it’s me who should be sorry <br/><b>CK:</b> the way I left you…<br/><b>CK:</b> it’s been on my mind all day</p><p><b>JH: </b>why did you run off, really?</p><p> </p><p>Changkyun hesitated. <em>I should just tell him the truth. </em></p><p> </p><p><b>CK: </b>I’ve never actually met an idol before.</p><p><b>JH: </b>It’s not like I’m super famous or anything, was it really that weird?</p><p><b>CK: </b> no, it’s just <br/><b>CK:</b> we’re so different </p><p><b>JH: </b>we’re both making music though, is it that bizarre?</p><p><b>CK: </b> my band members, they have a real hang-up about the idol industry <br/><b>CK:</b> we’ve been on our own for such a long time <br/><b>CK:</b> still on our own, making music independently <br/><b>CK:</b> it’s hard </p><p><b>JH: </b> trust me, I know <br/><b>JH:</b> I basically lived in bars until I was scouted for agency auditions <br/><b>JH:</b> I wanted to be an independent rapper <br/><b>JH:</b> but then my mother got sick <br/><b>JH:</b> so when I was scouted, I knew going the idol route was the best way to provide for my parents <br/><b>JH: </b> so here I am, an idol rapper <br/><b>JH:</b> that repels rock singers, apparently </p><p> </p><p>Chankyun’s heart sank. <em> I had no idea, </em> he thought. <em> I really am the asshole in this equation. </em> </p><p> </p><p><b>CK: </b> Jooheon, I’m really sorry<br/><b>CK:</b> I feel like such a prick <br/><b>CK:</b> god <br/><b>CK:</b> I’m sorry I left you like that<br/><b>CK:</b> I never even gave your music a chance and I shat all over you <br/><b>CK:</b> I totally get it if you never want to talk to me again</p><p> </p><p><em> Please forgive me, </em> Changkyun found himself praying. </p><p> </p><p><b>JH: </b> it’s okay <br/><b>JH:</b> I’ll admit, it stung a bit <br/><b>JH:</b> to be rejected like that by a favourite singer <br/><b>JH:</b> I really thought I fucked up and like… upset you <br/><b>JH:</b> it felt like I lied to you or something</p><p><b>CK: </b> shit, I’m really sorry <br/><b>CK:</b> of course you didn’t lie to me <br/><b>CK: </b>...am I really one of your favourite singers?</p><p><b>JH: </b> yeah^^<br/><b>JH:</b> I’ve seen so many of your shows <br/><b>JH:</b> I really like you<br/><b>JH:</b> your voice, I mean</p><p> </p><p>Changkyun thought for a moment. </p><p> </p><p><b>CK: </b> send me one of your songs<br/><b>CK:</b> I was so messed up about how I left things with you that I didn’t even look you up<br/><b>CK:</b> I want to listen to your music <br/><b>CK:</b> can we start over?</p><p> </p><p>Jooheon smiled. <em> Can we start over? </em> He read the text again. His cheeks grew hot, happy that Changkyun was talking to him again. </p><p> </p><p><b>JH: </b> yeah, I’d really like that<br/><b>JH:</b> here, this is one of my first songs<br/><b>JH:</b> from before I debuted as an idol</p><p>&lt;file&gt;Two-Faced Wishes.mp3</p><p> </p><p>Changkyun accepted the file, and immediately hit play, closing his eyes and listening to Jooheon’s voice. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> At 16, school threw me out<br/>Like a bad penny <br/>Was I really born under a bad sign?<br/>Making money doing whatever <br/>Whatever I can<br/>It shouldn’t be like this<br/>The child feeding the parents<br/>But life’s cruel, isn’t it<br/>So now I use my pretty words <br/>Too bad I don’t have a pretty face <br/>Maybe life would be easier <br/>If I were just a lucky idol <br/>But I guess I threw the dice wrong<br/>So listen up, right <br/>I’ll wrap you in silk with this tongue<br/>And cut you into pieces with these words <br/>Cause you know I’m just that good <br/>I don’t need nobody else to share the stage<br/>But maybe, just maybe, if I felt like being honest <br/>Some company might be nice <br/>Cause only the gods know <br/>How cold it is at night for a man like me <br/>Who doesn’t rely on anyone else <br/>The rumbling in my stomach is motivation enough<br/>To burn this stage and make those pretty idols fall through it<br/>Making me laugh<br/>I’ll show you what real music sounds like <br/>And then maybe after I’m done<br/>I will have time to find someone to love<br/>As much as I love using my words<br/>But for now I guess I’ll have to satisfy you<br/>This way instead  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Changkyun was stunned. His mouth fallen open, he raked his fingers through his hair. <em> Holy shit, </em> he thought. <em> What a voice.  </em></p><p> </p><p><b>CK: </b> oh my god<br/><b>CK:</b> Jooheon, that was incredible<br/><b>CK:</b> I’ve never heard anything like that before </p><p><b>JH: </b> I was eighteen when I recorded that one<br/><b>JH:</b> I never released it though, especially now that I’m an idol<br/><b>JH:</b> that would be pretty hypocritical of me, right? </p><p><b>CK: </b> I’ve never heard anyone rap that fast and that clear before<br/><b>CK:</b> You’ve got singles and stuff, right? <br/><b>CK:</b> I’m gonna buy them all<br/><b>CK:</b> holy shit, man<br/><b>CK:</b> I can’t even breathe right now</p><p><b>JH: </b> breathe, man^^<br/><b>JH:</b> I’ve got a mini album and two mixtapes out<br/><b>JH:</b> and I’m working on a full album now<br/><b>JH:</b> have I made a new fan? ㅋㅋㅋ</p><p><b>CK: </b> fuck yeah you have <br/><b>CK:</b> listen<br/><b>CK:</b> I have another show tomorrow<br/><b>CK:</b> at the 514 Club<br/><b>CK:</b> meet me there before the show<br/><b>CK:</b> I need to see you again</p><p><b>JH:</b> you asking me out, charmer?</p><p> </p><p>Changkyun smirked. <em> “You charmer, I bet you say that to all the singers you meet.” </em> his words from their first meeting echoed in his head. </p><p> </p><p><b>CK:</b> are you gonna say yes?</p><p> </p><p><b>JH: </b> hmm.<br/><b>JH:</b> well, let me think.</p><p><b>CK:</b> !!! </p><p><b>JH:</b> ㅋㅋㅋ<br/><b>JH:</b> I’ll see you tomorrow~</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Prove Me Wrong</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>*Jooheon's raps are my own original poems! I tried to make them sound like him~</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Changkyun waited at the back entrance of the 514 Club; Jooheon had texted that he was a couple minutes away. He checked his makeup in the black reflection of his phone, and dabbed at the corners of his eyes with his pinky, smudging the liner just how he liked it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, stranger,” Jooheon’s voice surprised him, and he almost dropped his phone. Before he could think better of it, Changkyun pulled Jooheon into a hug. “Jooheon, fuck, I’m so sorry. I was such an idiot.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jooheon melted into the embrace. “It’s okay,” he sighed into Changkyun’s neck. “We’re starting over, remember?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then, Jooheon smiled at him, and Changkyun had to fight the urge to kiss him right there on the street.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Backstage in their dressing room, Changkyun’s bandmates were putting the final touches on their makeup and adjusting their outfits, gargling aloe water and quickly eating what was left of their dinners that they hadn’t finished during rehearsal. The clock was winding down and they were due on stage soon; so, when Changkyun emerged with company, the men were understandably confused. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hyunwoo, however, recognized the visitor, and shot Changkyun a look that said, </span>
  <em>
    <span>I told you so. </span>
  </em>
  <span>But, just to be a pain, he pretended not to know who the young man was. “Who’s this, Kyun?” he asked, feigning ignorance. “We’re on in like ten minutes.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Changkyun immediately felt hot, but pushed through. “This is Jooheon,” he nudged him forward a little, as if presenting him. “He’s a rapper. We met the other night at the bar, after our set.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, </span>
  <em>
    <span>this</span>
  </em>
  <span> is the guy?” Hyunwoo cooed, enjoying teasing the vocalist. “He’s cuter up close,” he laughed. “I’m Hyunwoo,” he said towards Jooheon, nodding his head. “I’m on bass. This is Hyungwon, on drums, Hoseok on guitar, and Kihyun on violin.” The men each bent their heads in greeting in turn, trying and failing by varying degrees to size up the rapper in front of them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s really nice to meet you guys,” Jooheon said brightly. “I’ve been to a bunch of your shows. You’re really good.” He turned to Changkyun. “Your last show was great.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hyungwon spoke up next. “Thanks,” he smiled, his features sharp and soft all at once. “How do you know Kyunie?” he was curious. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before Changkyun could reply, Hyunwoo interjected. “They hooked up after our last show.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hyunwoo!” Changkyun slapped his shoulder. The band erupted in laughter, but it wasn’t unkind. He turned to Jooheon, who’d gone a little pink. “We met after our set, and got to talking, and… yeah, okay, we hooked up. I invited him to the show tonight.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Adorable,” Kihyun cooed, making a cute face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck off,” Changkyun grinned. “Anyway. He’s really good,” he gushed, moving imperceptibly closer to Jooheon where they stood. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait,” Hyungwon said, and Jooheon could see the wheels turning behind his eyes. “I know you,” he said. “You were one of the MC’s on Music Bank last week, right? My sister was watching it, and I saw you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jooheon knew he’d been found out. “Yeah, that was me,” he said as cooly as he could. “I’m an idol rapper.” He could feel the men’s eyes on him change, somehow, like they were judging him. He dug his hands into the pockets of his jeans, affecting a shrug. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I <em>thought</em> you were too pretty to be a real rapper,” Kihyun mused. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Changkyun bristled at that comment. He took a half-step forward, a little in front of Jooheon, protectively. “He’s amazing,” he shot a look at Kihyun, who backed off. Hoseok gave the violinist a disapproving look. “Just because he’s an idol doesn’t mean he’s not a real rapper.” Jooheon rested a gentle hand on Changkyun’s arm, steadying him. He cleared his throat, and closed his eyes. He smiled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>At that, the group grew silent. Jooheon quickly glanced around the room at each man, and then he opened his mouth. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What’s so bad about being an idol, huh?<br/>
</span>
    <span>We struggle and starve every day <br/>
</span>
    <span>The lacquered wood floor of my studio <br/>
</span>
    <span>Slick with my sweat and my blood and my tears <br/>
</span>
    <span>My throat burning with all the words <br/>
</span>
    <span>I want to say to you, judging and laughing<br/>
</span>
    <span>You say I’m too pretty to be a real rapper<br/>
</span>
    <span>Maybe I’ll cut my face with my own sharp words<br/>
</span>
    <span>And give myself a scar to prove my worth<br/>
</span>
    <span>Is that what you really want, huh?<br/>
</span>
    <span>Aren’t we all just trying to make music and survive<br/>
</span>
    <span>In this world that looks down on all of us the same?<br/>
</span>
    <span>Let’s use our words to build bridges, not burn them<br/>
</span>
    <span>World peace through good music, huh?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As he finished, Jooheon opened his eyes to see Changkyun’s band staring at him with their mouths parted open, stunned silent. The singer felt a strange swell of pride; he smirked at their dumbfounded expressions. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Exactly,</span>
  </em>
  <span> he thought. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He’s incredible.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Hoseok, though, was the first to speak. “Holy shit,” he said, reaching to shake Jooheon’s hand. “That was incredible.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jooheon smiled. “Thanks,” he replied, suddenly bashful. He looked toward Changkyun, who had stars in his eyes. “I should leave you guys to finish getting ready,” he said, moving toward the door; but Changkyun stopped him, taking hold of his arm. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come with me a sec,” he said, pulling him out of the room and leaving his bandmates struck dumb, having been squarely put in their place by the rapper. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As the dressing room door closed behind them, Hyungwon exhaled. “Holy shit, he’s amazing,” he turned to the others. “I’m never going to shit on idols ever again.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>In the empty hallway, Changkyun finally let go of Jooheon’s arm. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You should get back in there,” Jooheon seemed worried. “You’re going on soon, right?” He motioned back to the dressing room with his chin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will in a minute,” he smiled. “But first---” and then, he pulled Jooheon close and held his face in his hands, kissing him slowly at first, then quickly deepening the kiss as Jooheon sighed into the embrace. “After the show, do you…” he held Jooheon’s gaze, wishing he could get lost in his lips forever. “Do you want to come back to my place? Do you have a schedule tomorrow?” he asked, remembering his previous mistake. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jooheon smiled, touched that he asked. “Only in the afternoon,” he replied, holding Changkyun close by the belt loops on his black jeans “I’m recording a lip tint commercial with some other guys from the company,” he made a silly face, and both men laughed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So no hickeys, then,” Changkyun teased. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“None where they can see,” Jooheon teased back, rolling his hips into Changkyun and making the singer groan a little at the feeling. He kissed Changkyun again, slow and deliberate. “Now go on, handsome. Break a leg.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just one more kiss,” Changkyun murmured against Jooheon’s lips. “For good luck.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jooheon kissed him again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then, a voice from around the corner: “Hey boss, quit making out and get back here! We’re on!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Laughter. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
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